daddyville

The grocery store (except for Whole Foods back in the day--20yrs ago) is not really the first place on my list to go for my social fix--- since I'm such a domesticated animal at this stage of the kiddie raising game, but my 3 yr old daughter has forced a change on that front. I still don't go there for 'social time', but I do talk to a fair number of folks while we shop, which I would practically never otherwise do. She must feel remiss in her public duty somehow unless she says, "Hi", "Hello", or (the funny one) "What are you doing?"(That last one really cracks me up.), to everyone we get within 10' of or if we stop long enough for her to start a conversation. I usually answer that last one for them with the surprising response, "They're shopping, Honey". As you can imagine, this makes me an even faster shopper than I already am, which is saying something for sure. I am blowing it a little out of proportion here, but it is really funny.
Thankfully too, she's got a sixth sense about people as well. I've watched it in action, which has given me a little reassurance, but I'm sure we'll have to work on that as time goes on. Things like this make me enquire within because in informing my daughter of how to Be in the world I also do not wish to scare her of it as too much of that kind of thinking can also hamper healthy development. A Healthy Caution is what I wish to teach and, of course with each new environment there will come into play a healthy set of protocols. I've seen, as you might've too, the extremes of this kind of conditioning. I'm sure, if anything I'll err on the side of a protective nature and hope the best for my child--development wise.
Even in thinking about the future, all of this is still so cute and makes me smile from ear to ear.

As adults we know, at least in our minds as a principal that life is about giving and receiving. It is about giving and sharing, not just on the weekends, or at a special party or function where everyone is watching, but All the time.
In life, out of necessity, we have divided up our time and energy into compartments. All day long we are at work and our time is not our own. We are doing things for the company who is paying for the job whether that be at home, on the job site, in an office, or wherever. We look forward to going home and being a part of familial tasks perhaps, or eating and hanging out with friends if perhaps we are single or without children. However involved or not our lives are we all look forward to the time of day when our time is 'our own'--to that time when we can do what we want, as we want and how we want.
There is no time in life however, that is Not about Giving and Receiving. The principles of that energetic exchange are Always there and are Always Active even when it is supposed to be 'Your' time, 'My' time, 'His' time, or 'Her' time. Love and sharing never take a 'break'. It makes sense that they don't, for what would life be without them, but empty, hollow experiences?
When you are raising a youngster you get to revisit many things. Each one of them is 'new' again for you in it's own time of emergence. 'Me' and 'mine' is a big one, and I suppose very vibrant and colorful in the personalities of young children because it is so fresh and raw. When there's dissapointment or hurt feelings they are So vibrant in their expression that it is almost shocking to a degree. When they are overjoyed, or gigling effusively, it Fills the house. To teach a young child about sharing and the Real needs of the others around them is actually a little mini-course in your own psychology. It is a re-visitation, in your own living room, as to the ways and predilections of human nature. It is a raw version of yourself without the mores and customs of society.

As a parent it is your job to hone and shape the directional flow of that process of learning to the best of your ability. It is times such as these that you see your frailty as a 'grown up'. There is a required course in this Curriculum of Parenting called Real Humility and you would be hard pressed to miss the door to this classroom because every time you turn around you're saying, "Wow! Here it is Again"! So, I say to you, "Go ahead.... go through it. Have a seat at a desk, and Stay There!" You see, your hypocrisy is unavoidable; the faster you learn this the better. Your child shows you this by Divine Design; they know nothing of it. One hears the slogan often given to first time Fathers, "Congratulations, He/She will make a Man out of you". The meaning of that slogan is starting to have actual, real, palpable significance for me. Anyone can be an adult, but a child....a child will inspire and fuel your 'growing up'.
Being a father is beautiful, for you must tune in to the true feeling nature of the human spirit. Sure, of course you would wish to pull your hair out by it's roots sometimes, if it were not so painful to do so, but that is part of the package--'growing pains', an 'upgrade' if you will, of your Own Being.
I Love being a Father and I have no doubt that I will be a better man, a better human being, more rounded and developed than I ever could have been otherwise.......Because of it.

Fear is the non-acceptance of What Is.

       I've never seen a creature in such constant motion. Getting her to be completely still for decent photos is a joke. I've had it happen before, but it's an aberration not to be counted upon. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fear is the non-acceptance of What Is. (Not as in the 'process of acceptance', but rather as in 'turning away' from what Is.)

It's very interesting how logic and self protection develops in a little person. It's one of those gradual and very individual processes. When there's victory--positive cognitive progress--we celebrate and own it due to a 'superior genetic pool' and when there's not,..well..we see the in-laws at work. "I don't have anything to do with that", we tell ourselves.
   By all accounts the process of this 'development of logic' seems laboriously s..l..o..w. It's really not, and we know this, but when you are responsible for some very basic oversights on the part of your little one every day experiences slow way down.
   Why do children Want to play in the street??? Why, when they are walking with you at the edge of the road do they yearn to wander into the middle?? There's nothing in the middle of the road that's interesting anyway? All that nasty debris that they love so much is at the edge of the road by the curb!? You would think that evolution would've weeded out this tendency long ago not giving the mind any say so in it, but alas it is not so. It's a wonder that we have made it this far. Well, children are pretty much made of cartiledge, thankfully. That is, most assuredly an evolutionary move for, at least, durability and too improve the chances of a future generation!
   At times it's funny. At other times it's scary. Then there are those times when you are genuinely shocked. It's like it's a game with this little person. For a while you kind of do feel like you are their defensive lineman and they are running offense with none other but The World. They feel it is their job, I guess, to test out gravity Every day--to make sure that what hurt yesterday does, in fact Still hurt today. I want to know when that memory of pain starts sticking. I mean, Really, because it will make my job much easier.
   My daughter, 2 yrs. old at this point has been very fortunate when it comes to physical accidents and injury. She went to the ER only once, so far, about 6 wks. ago. She slipped while jumping on the couch (which we forbid) and landed on her brow with all her weight on the edge of the coffee table. She had put her hands out but the airspace between the couch and coffee table failed to brace her fall. She turned out to be fine, but looked like a Klingon for about a week. She told the dramatic story over and over for a few weeks, but now she has managed to forget about the event as we are back to stoping her from hurting herself and reminding her of the trauma. It's funny and not so funny.
   I was talking recently with a mother who has several little ones of her own about my plight and she said, "It's amazing how long it actually takes for them to put it together.... Much longer than you'd think." This was not really what I wanted to hear, but I was thankful for her honesty, as painfully truthful as it was. :)
   I'm not naieve however, and I know as sure as the sun rises and sets that the 'defensive lineman' part that I play for my daughter will Never stop: the nature and focus of it will change though as she moves through her stages. I'm ready and I'm committed. ...Just wait 'till the suitors come. I think I'll enjoy that role.

  
Peace is what you get when you pay no mind to mind.