daddyville

Alas, the days of sneaking around quietly without Christina and I knowing have begun. Our daughter, who is almost 4, now totally understands the benefit of not willfully waking mommy and daddy after she wakes at first light! She has finally reached the inevitable conclusion that This is the time to attempt to get into the 'things' that require her parents sanction: all things candy related. If we were not already awake, she used to come and rouse us the moment she got up, but those days are gone it seems. Craftiness has taken on a mind of it's own, so to speak.

This morning we awoke to find all the cupboards open--the ones above the stove's hood as well as those in the top of the hutch in the dinning room, in addition to finding goods that were previously on top of the hutch itself on the floor. We recently removed most all of the bonafide 'candy' in the hutch to a remote location. She was just double checking, because the other day we had placed the candies in a cupboard above the stove and she saw that. I had then later, unbeknownst to her, removed them from there and took them off-site.

Yes, parents must play a detective-like hide and seek as part of their basic coursework. There's no avoiding this; it comes with the training of developing minds. Did it not for us all? It's kind of cute at this age; it's probably not later on down the line. I choose to enjoy it (in a manner of speaking) before that 'cuteness' evaporates.

While on the sub-topic of candy as being one of those things that parents find that they must carefully ration the consumption of when it comes to their children, it must also be mentioned that (to no surprise) candy is one of those things that everybody wants to give your child anytime they wish to make them happy for no reason. Of course this end is reached quite easily and thoroughly when you hand over that little hardened lump of sugar. Everybody does it: the cashier at the grocery store, the waiter at the restaurant, the woman behind the counter at the bakery--Everyone! It's quite funny really. *Big Smile* Well, that's our (the parents) job to be the regulatory commission on all of that. Please don't stop just because of us. It comes with the territory and we accept that!

I would, however, like to put a stop to her Dr. Seuss style ladder building in order to attempt to get to 'off limit' items.

That would be nice.

It's a tough job that parents of toddlers are saddled with in keeping midday naps a part of the routine schedule when the child is particularly headstrong and sleep resistant; it's a special kind of 'taco' that can make the follow through and the digestion of a little rough on the resident parents.

It's hard to hear the child cry, wail and go on and on about how they don't want to take a nap, they're not really tired, etcetera, etcetera. It's not those statements that are hard though. It's the wailing, as if in some sort of real pain, that is the really heart renching part. As a good parent, you try to stay really keen to the energy behind the crying though, because at this age (3-4yrs.) they still can't thoroughly express themselves with words all that well so you are vigilant not to get caught on the side of 'negligence' when it comes to attending to your child. You know though, that if you let them play you at this age, that it will NEVER STOP.

This service of diligent and consistent expectations and responses is your gift to your child so that their person may benefit from it as they grow and develop into the human being they will become. Even though this is Our Drive as parents and as commendable as it is, it still doesn't make it any easier to withstand the cries of the bruised ego and hurt feelings of your beloved child.

"Don't kid yourself, parenting is not for the faint of Heart." --myself

We learned this weekend that there is something to the combined magical power of three toddlers--Shayla, with her cousins Connor, and Garrett--on a course of constant inclusion and equality that is hard to manage and maintain in perfect symmetry by the attending adults.

Apparently it doesn't matter how many adults you add to this equation. We had 4 adults and three children and there was still chaos that ebbed and flowed and that chaos was regarding the drive of the forces of 'me' and 'mine' and the balance of the 'perceived' equality (by the little ones) of the experience as it breathed in and out.

It all can be encapsulated in a miniature version of the world laid bare, as it were: a telling of the truth of the feelings and desires of all human beings. Respect, Love, Wants, Patience, Sharing, Property, Community, and Individuality were met and dealt with Many Times Over through the course of the four and a half days that we were together. We shared, we laughed, we offended, we cried, we loved, and we forgave many, many times. We learned the lesson again and again. There were lots of "I Love You"s as well as lots of "Gimme that back! That's mine!". Lots of Loves and Lots of Gimmes. It was precious and beautiful as the kids ran the gamut of the scope of human emotion.

It was really something to witness all this action and energy as an Arbiter to the whole process. What an amazing thing. It makes me think a lot of the Creator of all Things and the 'view' as well as the Relationship that we all share with that Force of forces.

Parenting brings me back to that again and again,...to Having Compassion For Ourselves as People, as human beings, as 'Adults', as Big Kids still, after all these years, learning the Ever Fresh Lessons that Life proffers. We may think we are 'Big', 'Adult', and the like, but maybe we really aren't all that in the Eyes of Our Arbiter. Maybe we are really Little Ones who Need Compassion just like our children who need consoling after skinning their knee because they were pushed down and it hurt more than their body; it hurt their feelings. Or there is that of love that is not reciprocal or others who do not want to include or share. These are real pains that can ache to the bone, and occasionally skin the soul.

Parenting can bring you back to the Healing of places inside of yourself that you would not be likely to visit had you not been placed in the role of the Consoler and the Giver of Compassion. Yes, you also give penalty, it is part of the learning process of little minds, but the 'Take Away': the residing, sustained, deep tone of it all is Compassion and Love. Compassion and Love. To give it is to receive it. Therein is a little secret to this whole parenting business, and of course, a little thimble full of what may be wisdom, by default, which apparently gets added to many times along the way in small increments. Thank goodness for that!

Now I understand about a child's use of politics. These little beings don't understand much in the way of political science and yet.....They Do. Indeed,....they Do!!
I have become sharply aware of this truth through the behaviors of my 35 mo. old daughter, Shayla. She is the sweetest thing and yet so smart that it becomes painfully poignant when other relatives are around. I think way back to when I was a kid and remember the relief that I felt when my Grandma or my Uncle or Aunt would give me some liberty or allowance that I was not normally granted---a fresh air of freedom in the arms of my relatives! I remember that, even to this day. One of my daughter's bibs says something to the effect of, "What Happens at Grandma's House, Stays at Grandma's House"!! That's the Spirit!! Hehe!
This is the benediction of children and the frustration of parents, but it's perfect how it is. I have to keep reminding myself of that as I reassert my authority and place in the mind of my child after the relatives go back home. "Yes, I am Still your Father and Yes, You still Do have to Do what I ask of You."
They are little bears for a little while once you folks leave: resisting authority, talking back. They would throw a Protest March if they knew how!!
God Bless the Relatives! They help me to get better at my Job. :) "Hey Shayla, give me that Rudder", I remark as the door closes. :)

Since my little one doesn't really understand gravity as of yet, she is truly a danger to herself and those in her immediate vicinity. I say this with a smile on my face....
  She is strong enough to wield things that are bigger than her, but her dexterity and smarts have not yet caught up with her strength. This is a day to day problem as she is constantly 'man handling'(pardon the phrase) her little world.
  So in my caring for her---protecting her from herself---I am also looking out for my own wellbeing. We were taking a walk the other day when she found a really nice long(3-4ft.)tree branch which she was really determined to drag/carry around behind her. I tried to dissuade her from this, but she was not to be deterred. Finally, I said okay, which I later ammended via my Executive Parental Order after she almost took out my eyeball with it. These things apparently never stop with a 2yr. old. You are never safe no matter how tired or exasperated you become, and furthermore those states are an impediment to your awareness to boot.
  So without being a Nazi, I smile and attempt to be 'en guarde' to protect my child from herself as well as myself, and yet allow her to be the Free Two Year Old Explorer that she Is. I say this as I put on my knee pads and helmet and venture out into the common living space of our home.. Say,...when does her next developmental stage begin??

  
....Take a Deep Breath and Count to Ten...