Fatherhood, to me is many things. One of the aspects of it that I find extremely profound is it's powerful mirroring effect. I have written about this many times, and yet it is new again to me each and every time I cycle through this process of being reflected to, then introspection, then contemplation, then adaption, and then the re-emergence into the 'real' world with what I have learned. This cycle takes place sometimes once, and at other times, several instances in a day. It is a simple and yet complex process involving relevance, reason, love (for yourself as well as your child), and lots of micro-assessments as well as the follow-throughs associated with (the ones that need) them both with yourself and with your child. This whole bucket of learning and the skills needed to delve into this bucket are the same skills--yet more refined--that this learning yields. This is very interesting to me in a mysteriously philosophical kind of way. It's akin to learning to swim by swimming.
This whole universe of self discovery was brought into my life through my daughter, who is now five years old. This process, for me, has been more about learning about myself than anything else. Yeah, sure I learn about her and about what children are made up of as well. But more than anything I get to see what I am made of: my strengths, my weaknesses, the things that work well and....the things that don't work. There is no getting around or explaining away--and boy, do I like to do that!--the truths that being a parent will show you. They are there, Everyday, sitting squarely, directly in your field of vision. There is no way around them. I think 'through them' may be the only way. I have one point of solace and hope that I hold dear in my Heart: If God regards me with the same love and care that I have for my child--"as above, so below"--then everything will work out okay even though I am riddled with faults and imperfections. This is my hope and I hope it's Real.