daddyville

Dearest Daddy,

I may not know the first thing about grammar or complete sentences, but I sure as hell will give you a run for your seat of authority with every breath that I take in to my little body. You can count on that just assuredly as you can depend on the presence of hard, plastic toys in the smack middle of the floors in all the 'common areas' (my room included, of course. Hehe), or smears on the flatscreen TV, or perhaps my dirty laundry and shoes strewn about the house. You can't get out of this. We both know that. So why don't you sit down and hear me out.

You may think you have a firm grip on the steering of the household Daddy, but I am here to testify that Mommy has been wrapped around my finger since day one, and would you please stop making lobbying pleas to her sanity or I'm going to have to put the screws to you. What, you imagine, could that possibly be?? Keep it up and you'll find out, but remember I warned you.

As far as the Grandmas and Grandpas that the universe of possibilities has blessed me with, I am happy to say that they are all in my pocket, except for your mother. What on Earth are you paying her?? How do you people seal these kinds of deals anyway? Never mind, it really doesn't matter; she doesn't pull enough weight over all anyhow. I can take the occasional trip to Houston; I'm working on her over time. We've got time, right? Eventually she'll be mine, we both know that.

Basically, you didn't crack the whip early enough. Thanks for that, by the way! I've got my head start; my future's secure. I'm sittin' comfy. What about you?

If you'd like to discuss deals I've got a few appointments open this week. I could squeeze you in. Just give a rap on my door as you pass by on the way to the bathroom in the next couple of days and we'll set it up.

I love you daddy.

Eternally,
Your Precious Daughter of 4.

*Haha. Does this sound crazy to you? Believe me, it's only off the mark by a matter of degrees.*