Letting the things around me 'flow how they will' is a new one for me. I step back and see the control issues that I have. They are many. I like to see things play out in a certain way. Most people probably do, and to a large extent we usually have a great amount of influence on that in our adult relationships: friends and otherwise. When you consider the addition of a child the formula changes dramatically because you're not just adding a person; you're adding a person that is in 'personhood school'. THIS is totally different.
With children there are many things that are simply 'out of your control'. This can take some getting used to, especially when it is your child that is dictating to a large degree how things are and will be. You like to think that that is up to you, but really it isn't. How you direct it and how you respond to it are in your jurisdiction, but whether or not certain things happen? Well, that just isn't to a large degree the case. I catch myself trying to push certain things that just will not be pushed, and I watch myself get rather worked up about these details. Then after a bit, I come to realize that it is okay, and that it is not worth the amount of tension that I subject myself to. The worst case scenario in most of these instances is...well...just not that bad.
All of these ideas are upheld in my mind in a desire to make sure (as if one could do that) that my daughter 'turns out' okay. How can I ensure that, really? I can't. That's not possible. I can ensure that I love her and that I do the best that I can to be a good father--a good human being, a good man. I sincerely hope that is what is happening here because I certainly have days when I wonder if I am capable of this. I know that I am, yet there are times..moments really..when I see myself: my immature, childish self bare and naked. In these moments I feel like a baby just starting out.
Moments such as these are painfully (if I take that tack) self reflective. I look over my adult life and it begs the question, "Have you Really only come this far??" Internally, I mean. "Is this All that's in your toolbox", I whisper to myself? It's a moment of barreness. A moment of truth...but it's a Real Moment. That, I can say. In this harsh light pride is simply not home. There's no place for it to hide. It hurts, yet it feels wholesome. It's painful, but there's no place to fall from this spot. Hello self. Stay right where you are. This is Good.
From this occassional spot I can say that Grace is Afforded to All. It doesn't matter who they are, give them grace. Humility handed to you by life makes you actually capable of forgiving others for their humanity, something that in our prouder moments we are aught to give without the proper proof of innocence. The truth is that that 'proof' is finite and like unto a vapor and is totally dependent upon a specific perspective.
Grace fills in the cracks of our being---the flaws of our person. Without it the seas dry up and the flowers don't bloom.
There are some things in life that force you to see yourself without the make-up of your mind that you have unknowingly applied to yourself. Parenting is one of them.
You must love what you see. Work on it, yes, but give yourself the love in order to keep yourself afloat. It must be both, otherwise the ship is sunk before it has left the dock.
What does all this have to do with the world of parenting? You must learn to bend, to compromise with the process as it is required, to let go of having to control every little thing, to forgive, to pardon without having to know All the details, to let go of your urge to steer your environment to the 10th degree, to see humor where you didn't before (note: this is just a sampling)......or it will break you, plain and simple. The trade off is excellent because you get to learn more about yourself in ways that you could never have dreamed up or imagined and in the process of that have a sublime journey of personal evolution AND have the priveledge of caring for and nurturing the raising of a new human life all at the same time, which was the genesis of your whole movement forward. What a deal!
With children there are many things that are simply 'out of your control'. This can take some getting used to, especially when it is your child that is dictating to a large degree how things are and will be. You like to think that that is up to you, but really it isn't. How you direct it and how you respond to it are in your jurisdiction, but whether or not certain things happen? Well, that just isn't to a large degree the case. I catch myself trying to push certain things that just will not be pushed, and I watch myself get rather worked up about these details. Then after a bit, I come to realize that it is okay, and that it is not worth the amount of tension that I subject myself to. The worst case scenario in most of these instances is...well...just not that bad.
All of these ideas are upheld in my mind in a desire to make sure (as if one could do that) that my daughter 'turns out' okay. How can I ensure that, really? I can't. That's not possible. I can ensure that I love her and that I do the best that I can to be a good father--a good human being, a good man. I sincerely hope that is what is happening here because I certainly have days when I wonder if I am capable of this. I know that I am, yet there are times..moments really..when I see myself: my immature, childish self bare and naked. In these moments I feel like a baby just starting out.
Moments such as these are painfully (if I take that tack) self reflective. I look over my adult life and it begs the question, "Have you Really only come this far??" Internally, I mean. "Is this All that's in your toolbox", I whisper to myself? It's a moment of barreness. A moment of truth...but it's a Real Moment. That, I can say. In this harsh light pride is simply not home. There's no place for it to hide. It hurts, yet it feels wholesome. It's painful, but there's no place to fall from this spot. Hello self. Stay right where you are. This is Good.
From this occassional spot I can say that Grace is Afforded to All. It doesn't matter who they are, give them grace. Humility handed to you by life makes you actually capable of forgiving others for their humanity, something that in our prouder moments we are aught to give without the proper proof of innocence. The truth is that that 'proof' is finite and like unto a vapor and is totally dependent upon a specific perspective.
Grace fills in the cracks of our being---the flaws of our person. Without it the seas dry up and the flowers don't bloom.
There are some things in life that force you to see yourself without the make-up of your mind that you have unknowingly applied to yourself. Parenting is one of them.
You must love what you see. Work on it, yes, but give yourself the love in order to keep yourself afloat. It must be both, otherwise the ship is sunk before it has left the dock.
What does all this have to do with the world of parenting? You must learn to bend, to compromise with the process as it is required, to let go of having to control every little thing, to forgive, to pardon without having to know All the details, to let go of your urge to steer your environment to the 10th degree, to see humor where you didn't before (note: this is just a sampling)......or it will break you, plain and simple. The trade off is excellent because you get to learn more about yourself in ways that you could never have dreamed up or imagined and in the process of that have a sublime journey of personal evolution AND have the priveledge of caring for and nurturing the raising of a new human life all at the same time, which was the genesis of your whole movement forward. What a deal!