There are many things that as a dad change in the way that you process and respond to communication when it's coming from your child. This person, your child, now inhabits a place in your social stratum that was previously totally vacant in your former life. This can be a little bit of a shocker when it comes to adjusting to the 24/7 constant role of 'Dad' that you now occupy. Whether in their 'good graces' at the moment or not, you are likely to fall 'in and out of favor' innumerable times in your lives together. So, getting used to it (implied loosely) may turn out to be the best course of action in this genetically governed role of arbiter, defender, supporter, advice-giver and overall 'guy that has the cash'. One of the main things that I am learning as a new father--my only child is just 4 years old--is that you have to maintain a kind of removed objectivity when it comes to your new role as a parent. For example, we'd like our kids to always love us and understand perfectly our motives and desires for doing everything that we do when it comes to them, but the reality of this is that this is not the way that things will play out. The truth of the matter is that often we may say or require things of them that they will neither want to hear or to do, but that's just it--we are much more than any other 'position' that will ever get filled in their life. We are their Parents and if I remember correctly, chances are good that most of us have only two of those throughout the course of our natural born lives. It's quite an honor and equal to or maybe even greater than that, a responsibility. No, we don't get the privilege to always be their 'friend' and say only pleasing things because being their parent requires a lot more than always being in their favor. It requires a certain kind of 'looking after' that necessitates much more: a kind of 'looking' that could be seen or imaged as looking in front of, behind, and to either side of them at all times physically as well as emotionally, psychologically, et al. Perhaps we can be their good friend many years down the road, God willing, but then again it may never really be like that. Once a parent, always a parent. It is clear that this is the state of how things are. I began thinking about this because in my experience it is ultimately the parents who are the ones saddled with the task of parcelling out anything that is 'unpopular' or 'limiting', i.e. Rules--all in the name of their love for their child(ren), and yet they are also the ones who are pained by their child's dissatisfaction and resultant tears (not that others aren't, but the parents will see the most of it just by virtue of the job). Truly, we parents all want our kids to be totally happy and fulfilled all of the time, right? At the same time we yearn to raise little beings that learn the true values and joys of life, so that when they leave our nest they have the tools that they need in order to Be Happy and Fulfilled under their own steam: fully functional and healthy. The funny part of all that is that in order to teach those things there are moments when you must become wildly unpopular and seemingly cause distress and frustration. It's not that you want to; it's the tug o' war of egos at work and there is nothing that can offer remedy or respite for this except holding onto the loving regard that you have for your child. This is always the undercurrent regardless of how the child may sometimes feel. As a parent, we have to get over the need to always feel special or popular with our kids. After all, we are the adults here,right? Nonetheless, it's hard to be unpopular. Parents need the love of their children just as their children need it from their parents. As a parent, I think that it's fairly easy to stand up for the rules and boundaries that must remain in play, but what's hard is weathering the dissatisfaction or unpopularity that can follow. Sometimes that involves a few tears of hurt of your own. It can be hard not to take it all personally, and maybe there are fleeting moments where we do. Perhaps that is all part of the dance as well? There are certainly countless things for everyone to learn in a family unit about themselves, about life, and about each other. Although it may be a temptation to take some things personally from time to time, and maybe we do, we always come back to the love this journey is all about.
I may sometimes think momentarily that I have a rough road from time to time, but I know that this is nothing. My child is only 4, and while that is extremely young, I can still see the harbingers of the task winking at me from the sidelines, but what this does for me more than anything is to take off my hat and give a moment of silent honor and respect to all the parents out there who gave of theirselves in order to raise us all. Firstly, for my own mom, who covered both parental roles single-handedly for most of my life and secondly to all my personal generational relatives who have gone before. Kudos to you all! Many times we have heard that Teaching is the noblest of professions and yet I would say that we are missing where that point of origin starts, and where it starts is with the First Teachers that we ever come into contact with. Those Teachers would be none other than our very own Parents, God Bless Them. Whatever they did, however ineptly or proficiently, they did to the best of their abilities with all the skills and talents that they learned from their own predecessors as well as those given to them by the Creator. We owe them for that, regardless of how we have judged them before. They gave us our entrance into this world through their own bodies, hearts, and minds. They deserve our respect and thanksgiving. For as any parent can tell you, it's no easy task, and it is certainly a type of sacrifice in it's own way in order that we may give back to the generations that will follow. Life is a gift, not just from God, but also from those two who decided to welcome you into their lives. God Bless All the Children and The Parents who Raise Them. God Bless the First Teachers ! Thank You! Happy Mother's Day to All the Moms Out There! God Bless You!
I may sometimes think momentarily that I have a rough road from time to time, but I know that this is nothing. My child is only 4, and while that is extremely young, I can still see the harbingers of the task winking at me from the sidelines, but what this does for me more than anything is to take off my hat and give a moment of silent honor and respect to all the parents out there who gave of theirselves in order to raise us all. Firstly, for my own mom, who covered both parental roles single-handedly for most of my life and secondly to all my personal generational relatives who have gone before. Kudos to you all! Many times we have heard that Teaching is the noblest of professions and yet I would say that we are missing where that point of origin starts, and where it starts is with the First Teachers that we ever come into contact with. Those Teachers would be none other than our very own Parents, God Bless Them. Whatever they did, however ineptly or proficiently, they did to the best of their abilities with all the skills and talents that they learned from their own predecessors as well as those given to them by the Creator. We owe them for that, regardless of how we have judged them before. They gave us our entrance into this world through their own bodies, hearts, and minds. They deserve our respect and thanksgiving. For as any parent can tell you, it's no easy task, and it is certainly a type of sacrifice in it's own way in order that we may give back to the generations that will follow. Life is a gift, not just from God, but also from those two who decided to welcome you into their lives. God Bless All the Children and The Parents who Raise Them. God Bless the First Teachers ! Thank You! Happy Mother's Day to All the Moms Out There! God Bless You!