I'm not proud of it, but truth be told our lovely (almost) 4 year old daughter Shayla has the power to render me, her dad, a frothing, blubbering puddle of stress! How is that?! That should not be possible or even reasonable being that she is such a sweet and dear child. And she is...she really is. You betcha! Is my psyche that thin, my reservoir of inner peace and calm that bankrupt? (a rhetorical question) It might be, for I have discovered that just as a mantra can be soothing in it's mind calming power, a single question asked a billion times over in quick succession or an action performed repeatedly in constant and undeterred staccato has the wild effect of driving one berserk akin (I Am Sure!) to the deconstructing effects of Chinese Water Torture! That's right, I feel like I have something in common with tortured detainees although I am certain that I have no right to feel this way. Yet, I am both detained (although willfully, of course. I would have it no other way.) and tortured (in a very specialized fashion) as well. "Doesn't this creature have an off switch?", I ask myself. I had thought that there was one, but I think she has since discovered the flaw and re-wired herself out of it. Wait. There is of course 'bedtime', but that's given that she lets herself go to sleep, which is a whole process in itself sometimes smooth, sometimes bumpy. I guess I am going to have to get used to sounding like a broken record that goes from 33 to 45 rpms and back to 33 in a split second with all the different one-liners of direction that must be uttered daily. It's part of my job. Me: "Please don't pull on that. Can you pick that up? Don't kick that, it's delicate. Is it necessary to play with phlegm? Honey, the cat has a spine. Please don't hold her that way. That's made of glass, please hold it with both hands and don't shake it like that. The toilet is a nasty zone; please do not linger. A Kleenex is where your bugers belong. We don't cough in people's faces. Can you control your body right now? Focus, focus, focus. Can we do one thing at a time? Do you mind if daddy has a little privacy in the bathroom? Daddy is talking to Mommy right now. Can you hold on for just a moment? Shayla needs to keep her hands to herself right now. If you can't do what I am asking of you, then ____________. Well, I am the parent here and what I say Goes. Because it is Daddy's Job to Care for you and your well being. Because I asked you to. Watch out for solid objects; it will hurt your body if you run into them. Please eat your food; your body needs it. Watch where you are going. Can you walk in a straight line right now?"
After a while you try to minimize some of what you hear yourself saying because of what you sound like to yourself. "Oh my god, is that me?!", you observe in shock! "I sound just like....you guessed it!...My Parents! But then you see from natural consequence that you can't leave out any of this 'direction' at this 4 year old marker in your kids life because If you do, they'll totally forget what they're supposed to be doing. They'll forget what they're Not supposed to be doing too. "Why can't we run into the street again?", they're thinking. They'll forget that they Can't run headlong into the corner of a table without disastrous and painful effects. It's astounding, but true. I think it takes much longer than we think it should for these basic rules of commonsense to lodge their way into and make their home IN the Brain. So, to ourselves we sound like a broken record, but to them it's like we're hailing from a distant planet.
This is all Totally Natural I suppose. I certainly can't afford to think about it any other way. I Totally Love My Child! God Bless Her, God bless Me, and God Bless Parenting!