Every Once In A While It Still Comes As A Shock

'Talking back' is, I think, something that most all parents have had to create rules around for their children. Maybe there are kids that never have done or at least attempted (in the very best of circumstances) this most basic act of parental disrespect, but I am certain that if they do exist, that it's not on this earthly plane. As a father to my first child, I had not had the 'pleasure' (haha) of this kind of experience of a little person, whom I am supposed to be looking after and caring for, tell me "No" flat out, when I request something of them or deny something of them for their own best benefit and good. It can come as quite a shock when all you-- as an adult male living in the modern adult world--have known has been mostly open, respectful and civilized adult conversation, to be confronted with a little person that challenges your (almost) every decision or request pertaining to them. They are all so sweet and lovely until they aren't so much, which for me has been from a little over her third year up to the present. She'll be four years old this next month. At this point she exerts her opinions and ideas rather strongly, which is fine, but when they conflict with her mother's and mine, and then she pushes beyond that, is when things can become a little tedious. The 'weathering' of her whiny resistance can be tough. It takes a lot of energy to withstand these persistent, pushy, fast, and energetic little people. We're making it, but the process hones us, her parents, just as we are honing her. Every once in a while I am still shocked by it: by the constant, relentless pressure exerted on the boundaries of 'good' behavior. Parents really do have to teach everything, be consistent and fervent in those teachings, know why and be able to translate it (I can see this coming down the road) all when needed. It's a good job, but in some departments and at some times it totally takes All You've Got.

Parenting as a Therapy and Real-Time Workshop for All Human Relationships

Who would've thought that raising a toddler could touch on so many Relationships in One's Life? I certainly didn't. It brings your humanity into close focus and makes your fallibility as a person and as a parent quite undeniable.

Parenthood is both a blessing and a hard curve of human development and learning. It's a fast track, I think, in showing one where one's communication and action skills need some buffing and refining. We do the best we can, but along that road there are many opportunities for self-examination and redefining of who we are. It's not pleasant, but it's accurate, and that's saying a lot when it comes to getting a clear picture on where your own upbringing deposited you along the journey of becoming a well rounded, fully functioning, healthy human being. A Clear Picture is a great asset when it comes to knowing the truth about yourself and from where to proceed in order to move forward.

Your offspring shows you all this if you're looking in that direction. It's there for the gleaning, whether you look or not really. Even if you deny it, it's still there. To me, it's an opportunity to grow as a person, to work on the patterned behaviors that were passed down in my family. Every family has them; they can just be thoughtlessly passed on, or we can work hard to heal some of the 'holes' in our family lines themselves. It seems as though we get the opportunity to do that afresh with each generation of the family kernel: grow towards wholeness or 'telegraph' previous hurts and reactive behaviors through the generations.

I'm certainly no hero, but being triumphant in the small things, as a father, is something that I aspire to. Also, I guess it's a work that's never really completed; there's always the 'next thing' to work towards, but I feel that it's a 'Work' that is truly comprehensive on every level and the Absolute best thing for me, as a father and a human being. I am Grateful to be a Dad, and embrace it with my Whole Heart. My prayer is that I turn out to be a good one: a good Dad and a good Person. It's some heavy work, but well worth it.

Craftiness Rising, Day 2...

Okay, I now think that I have enough of a drive, powered by substantive evidence, that I Must not allow Shayla to meander around the house in the morning on her own for any length of time whatsoever without a parental chaperone. Lucky for us it has not been all that dramatic of a lesson--read: No bodily harm--just a total mess that I must then clean up!

What kind of mess you ask? Maybe you're not asking, but I'm going to pretend that you are so that I can share with you the nature of my experience of my (almost) 4 year old's un-supervised creative curiosity, mild though it may be by some yard sticks out there.
She, Shayla, comes in my room to tell me that she doesn't want me to get up because she knows that I will be unhappy with what I find---First Flag--and that I need to give her time because she can't "clean it all up at once"--Second Flag. I proceed to get up and she says "Daddy, wait..".
"It's okay Shayla, I need to see what's out there", I say in a gentle tone knowing that this is an inevitable outcome of allowing her to be awake and moving about the house on her own for any length of time beyond 10 minutes or so.

I go into the kitchen to find the freezer open and the contents searched through by my Daughter's little hands. I grab and hold on to the items and realize that the door has been ajar for a little while. My eyes are drawn to the half gallon container of ice cream that sits perched at the front. Of course! That would've been my choice too. I turn around to find the counter, floor and dining room chair (used to climb with) covered in this very fine white powder--a children's Probiotics powder. The milk is out. Everything has it's lid removed: the Probiotics and the milk. I can see that she was trying to administer her daily dose of the beneficial bacterial complex by mixing it in with the goat's or soy milk that she usually gets and that something went wrong in the mechanics of the operation. The powder is Everywhere, and I mean Everywhere! It doesn't clean up easily and upon wiping/scrubbing it up it reminds me of how some proteinaceous substances cling to surfaces like glue. This $23.00 a bottle stuff is acting like that. Also, it seems that she inadvertently (I guess) got some milk inside the bottle while in the process of making her morning drink. Oh well. :) The stuff is kept cool, dry, and tightly sealed inside the fridge; that bottle is a Goner.

The coffee table in the living room has ice cream smeared across it, although only partially. Immediately I check the sofa! Good,....there's no ice cream lovingly rubbed into the upholstery--not that I can see anyway. I wipe up the table then look on the floor. There's no apparent spillage or tracking there. Good.

So, after wiping up the floor and counter in the kitchen, throwing the ice cream container away, saving what I could of the Probiotics, and wiping up the coffee table in the living room, I feel like I got lucky today as well as obtaining the proper motivation to Get Up Before My Child Does.

It may not sound like much, but I assure you that it is. I have no interest in tempting fate.

Craftiness Rising

Alas, the days of sneaking around quietly without Christina and I knowing have begun. Our daughter, who is almost 4, now totally understands the benefit of not willfully waking mommy and daddy after she wakes at first light! She has finally reached the inevitable conclusion that This is the time to attempt to get into the 'things' that require her parents sanction: all things candy related. If we were not already awake, she used to come and rouse us the moment she got up, but those days are gone it seems. Craftiness has taken on a mind of it's own, so to speak.

This morning we awoke to find all the cupboards open--the ones above the stove's hood as well as those in the top of the hutch in the dinning room, in addition to finding goods that were previously on top of the hutch itself on the floor. We recently removed most all of the bonafide 'candy' in the hutch to a remote location. She was just double checking, because the other day we had placed the candies in a cupboard above the stove and she saw that. I had then later, unbeknownst to her, removed them from there and took them off-site.

Yes, parents must play a detective-like hide and seek as part of their basic coursework. There's no avoiding this; it comes with the training of developing minds. Did it not for us all? It's kind of cute at this age; it's probably not later on down the line. I choose to enjoy it (in a manner of speaking) before that 'cuteness' evaporates.

While on the sub-topic of candy as being one of those things that parents find that they must carefully ration the consumption of when it comes to their children, it must also be mentioned that (to no surprise) candy is one of those things that everybody wants to give your child anytime they wish to make them happy for no reason. Of course this end is reached quite easily and thoroughly when you hand over that little hardened lump of sugar. Everybody does it: the cashier at the grocery store, the waiter at the restaurant, the woman behind the counter at the bakery--Everyone! It's quite funny really. *Big Smile* Well, that's our (the parents) job to be the regulatory commission on all of that. Please don't stop just because of us. It comes with the territory and we accept that!

I would, however, like to put a stop to her Dr. Seuss style ladder building in order to attempt to get to 'off limit' items.

That would be nice.