The Four Year Old That Knew Too Much

Learning how to gauge your tailored responses to that bossy toddler that was born of your loins can be a bit tricky. At least this is what I am experiencing. At this age they know too much for their own good. I have defaulted to a more stern iteration of myself out of a sense of survival. Really, truthfully, out of a sense of survival--no sugar coating applied here. If I weren't the way I am I think that I would get run over and That is actually a really scary thought. Like it or not, these little beings do try and take over the household. Without taking a single class on middle-management mechanics, they have it all down pat simply by watching and listening. They know where all the weaknesses lie and with whom and they systematically exploit each one. Not just once, but over and over again: assaulting the armor with chinks to see if it'll give. It's an intersting exercise in parental resiliency. Parents are forced to become sterner caricatures of themselves in a way. They don't want to be, but eventually they get forced into it like the water that swirls the basin to ultimately get pulled down the drainnpipe. Don't get me wrong. These children are precious beings that are more priceless than anything we can envision, but in their own innocence (or not, as sometimes is the case) they purify you and force you into revelations about life and yourself that you never could have seen without them. It's these things that inspire me. It's the tough stuff--or so is my opinion--in the parenting process that gives you the true jewels and insights into the mechanics of life and yourself that ultimately, if you let them, make you rich beyond measure. I'm certainly in that 'learning stage' of 'how to let them....'. Maybe that's a continual process, like so many things in life, of levels of comprehension and depth. I think it may well be.

It's a great joy to be a parent, and very often way more comedy than you can even stand. Somehow we manage. Many times I'm just not in the mood for it to be that funny, and that, in and of itself is kind of funny too. I relax, and then catch up to myself, and have a good chuckle. There are moments though where you just wish that your kid would just willingly comply......just because, rather than contest every little thing. Wow, that would be something, huh?

An Imaginary Letter From The Toddler Terrorist in the Back of My Mind

Dearest Daddy,

I may not know the first thing about grammar or complete sentences, but I sure as hell will give you a run for your seat of authority with every breath that I take in to my little body. You can count on that just assuredly as you can depend on the presence of hard, plastic toys in the smack middle of the floors in all the 'common areas' (my room included, of course. Hehe), or smears on the flatscreen TV, or perhaps my dirty laundry and shoes strewn about the house. You can't get out of this. We both know that. So why don't you sit down and hear me out.

You may think you have a firm grip on the steering of the household Daddy, but I am here to testify that Mommy has been wrapped around my finger since day one, and would you please stop making lobbying pleas to her sanity or I'm going to have to put the screws to you. What, you imagine, could that possibly be?? Keep it up and you'll find out, but remember I warned you.

As far as the Grandmas and Grandpas that the universe of possibilities has blessed me with, I am happy to say that they are all in my pocket, except for your mother. What on Earth are you paying her?? How do you people seal these kinds of deals anyway? Never mind, it really doesn't matter; she doesn't pull enough weight over all anyhow. I can take the occasional trip to Houston; I'm working on her over time. We've got time, right? Eventually she'll be mine, we both know that.


Basically, you didn't crack the whip early enough. Thanks for that, by the way! I've got my head start; my future's secure. I'm sittin' comfy. What about you?

If you'd like to discuss deals I've got a few appointments open this week. I could squeeze you in. Just give a rap on my door as you pass by on the way to the bathroom in the next couple of days and we'll set it up.

I love you daddy.

Eternally,
Your Precious Daughter of 4.


*Haha. Does this sound crazy to you? Believe me, it's only off the mark by a matter of degrees.*