Click to see the full gallery on Posterous: http://iphone-cigl.posterous.com/shayla-is-getting-better-and-better-at-cyclin
My 3 year old daughter says, "But Daddy...You're drinking that juice out of my cup!", as I lethargically grab for a morning juice glass pre coffee downing time.
"Why, you're right. Isn't that something", I reply very matter of fact -- not in a way that insinuated any type of wrong doing whatsoever. I could hear however, the slight injustice in her voice, but I didn't respond to it. I can hear her thinking and recalling the talks that her mother and I have had with her about 'asking' to borrow people's things before we command use of them. Oh yes, well there's that, but this is just a little plastic glass, I think to myself. Three year olds do not yet know the natural variance that rules have or the Carte Blanche allowances of the big people, but we are soon to have those lengthy, Very Oft repeated discussions about the 'ins' and 'outs' of family law as it pertains to those who are less than 18 years of age and/or still live at home. ...And I am Certain that I have Things To Learn in the Process.
"Why, you're right. Isn't that something", I reply very matter of fact -- not in a way that insinuated any type of wrong doing whatsoever. I could hear however, the slight injustice in her voice, but I didn't respond to it. I can hear her thinking and recalling the talks that her mother and I have had with her about 'asking' to borrow people's things before we command use of them. Oh yes, well there's that, but this is just a little plastic glass, I think to myself. Three year olds do not yet know the natural variance that rules have or the Carte Blanche allowances of the big people, but we are soon to have those lengthy, Very Oft repeated discussions about the 'ins' and 'outs' of family law as it pertains to those who are less than 18 years of age and/or still live at home. ...And I am Certain that I have Things To Learn in the Process.
My daughter Shayla is now approaching 3 1/2 years old and it is a really exciting time for me as her dad. It is exciting in the fact that I am starting to really glimpse the person that she will be. This is highlighted in the way that she interacts with me within the swirls of her exponentially expanding self awareness. I am literally watching her take shape. It is beautiful and profound to witness this miracle in action.
I have always thought that one of the primary goals that I would shoot for in being a dad--once I realized I Was Going to Be One-- would be to be the kind of dad that would be present and available for his child both emotionally and physically. I think this, more than many things counts towards that stack of nameless marks that we hold in the back of our minds-- that 'fatherly net worth' which we never really name, but have a sense of and carry around with us wherever we go. There is a Distinct place for a Father and a Mother in the life of a child and despite what some of us may sometimes think about ourselves, they need us there. Dollar bills are good, but they will never 'buy' that true, priceless closeness that we have the opportunity of having with those beings that have somehow, on some level chosen us and we them with which to share our lives and close spaces together as parent and child. The magnitude of that is awesome when you stop and think of it, when you stop and feel within that quiet and sensitive space that lies in the tenderest part of your Heart. To think that a spirit, a being chose you to be loved by, nurtured by, to learn from, and to share with..... It's nothing short of Incredible, not to mention an Obvious Honor. Personally, it blows me away to conceive of this. However it is you choose to think of how these molecules and fibers of reality come together to make an arrangement of light and beauty such as this really doesn't matter. The truth of the Beauty of the Honor of passing on the Cradle of Life through the birthing and raising of children is a magnificence that Stands on It's Own. Behold the extraordinary gifts of Life! Like many things in life that are worth doing at all there are of course challenges to be met.
As my daughter grows and I see myself in her she is giving me such a view into the burning ember of all that is Divine, of what life is made of, that it is, indeed Astounding. Through her help, I am coming to love myself more fully in a deep way, a way that matters. A way that feeds you when you have no food, in a way that quenches your thirst when there is no water in sight. This is love; this is what matters. For I realize and I know that I can always return to this place. It is in this Love that Peace is starting to well up inside of me. A Peace, a Love for myself, an acceptance if you will, for my frailties, my moodiness and my idiosyncrasies as a person and as a father. One would think that this could drive one mad with self recrimination, but for me parenthood has had this amazing effect: an effect of extreme practicality through surrender. Surrendering to what Is and the practicality of a wider scope. It has been born out of a an awakened view of reality, and it has been Shayla that has brought me to this unique and authentic spot of self acceptance. I would ne'er have come to it had she not shown me.
Thank you Shayla for teaching me so much about myself and about creation and the life we live in being my little girl and asking me to love and care for you as your father. It is a real honor.
Thank you for coming into my life.
You are a Cornucopia of Blessings.
Thank You.