The forgiveness of yourself for your shortcomings as a parent is really important, yet ironically hard to do. This is compounded by the fact that this is one of those things that you are intending to teach your
child through example, and yet they are regular witnesses to your humanity. It can easily appear as a contradiction to your beloved and then perhaps you try to explain. They may 'get' some of it, but yet again the best teacher is your example. You have come full circle once again: back to facing your humanity, apologizing for it, forgiving yourself, and teaching something different. It is a cycle that you traverse frequently in your quest to be the best parent and teach the best way to be. It's a great job, but it's the hardest I've ever encountered. Let's just give the unvarnished truth a voice: It's hard. Your accountability doubles overnight. All of a sudden there's yet another person that remembers all your mistakes, who happens to know them all, let's remember. The buck stops right where you are, squarely at your feet. You rise to the challenge each day, taking as many deep breaths as the moment may require. Yes, parenting is great, but it's also just as challenging as it is great. Just like life it has great moments of diversity: ups and downs, twists, and double backs, and yet........... Here we are. I'm standing my ground, staked out. *smile*
child through example, and yet they are regular witnesses to your humanity. It can easily appear as a contradiction to your beloved and then perhaps you try to explain. They may 'get' some of it, but yet again the best teacher is your example. You have come full circle once again: back to facing your humanity, apologizing for it, forgiving yourself, and teaching something different. It is a cycle that you traverse frequently in your quest to be the best parent and teach the best way to be. It's a great job, but it's the hardest I've ever encountered. Let's just give the unvarnished truth a voice: It's hard. Your accountability doubles overnight. All of a sudden there's yet another person that remembers all your mistakes, who happens to know them all, let's remember. The buck stops right where you are, squarely at your feet. You rise to the challenge each day, taking as many deep breaths as the moment may require. Yes, parenting is great, but it's also just as challenging as it is great. Just like life it has great moments of diversity: ups and downs, twists, and double backs, and yet........... Here we are. I'm standing my ground, staked out. *smile*
We have now entered a new phase with our 3 1/2 yr. old daughter Shayla. It is called the when-we-put-you-in-bed-we-mean-for-you-to-stay-there phase. Wow, it is a really trying time for me personally. I know that it's tough for my daughter too, remembering my childhood and how it felt to have to go to bed while the adults were still awake and active. We all take our turns on the wheel of perspective and now it's mine to delineate and enforce the codes that used to frustrate me as a kid.
Each and every excuse that kids come up with for getting up out of bed has some merit of possible truth to it and that is the hitch. It 'could' be true. Having to pee for example, is a verifiable activity, IF you feel like getting up to intercept said child and chaperone her through the peeing process even though she became a gold star medalist of the solo styled activity 6 months back. Other things like, "I need another drink of water" are more suspect after the first time and of course only lead to more bathroom trips, phantom or not. Like as with anything, it's a balancing act between looking out for your kids well being and being suckered by them. No parent wants to be hood-winked or be insensitive to their child's morphing needs. There's also the balance between male and female parental energies to consider and work with. The child will test the synergy of your energies, male and female, and if there is a weak spot that is exactly what they will work in order to get what they want. It is an interesting thing to watch. Deal making is something that I sometimes utilize. I don't use it too much. On occasion I will employ it's (so far) 100% effectiveness. Tonight was one such example. After my daughter had gotten up for the fourth time within 45 minutes of putting her down for the night, upon checking up on her and tucking her in yet again she said, "Daddy, are we going to go to the pool tomorrow"? That light went off in my head, as it does on occasion and I said, "Well, that all depends on whether or not you go to sleep now. If you keep getting up for various and innumerable reasons, then I'll have to say no. However, IF you now go to sleep as your body wants and needs you to, then YES, by all means we'll go to the pool tomorrow. So, think about that. What do you really want to do? What you do now will affect whether or not we go to the pool." "Alright Daddy", she says in her slow, languidly relenting voice.
That was all she wrote. We didn't hear any more from her after that: another 3 1/2 year old girl down for the night.
Each and every excuse that kids come up with for getting up out of bed has some merit of possible truth to it and that is the hitch. It 'could' be true. Having to pee for example, is a verifiable activity, IF you feel like getting up to intercept said child and chaperone her through the peeing process even though she became a gold star medalist of the solo styled activity 6 months back. Other things like, "I need another drink of water" are more suspect after the first time and of course only lead to more bathroom trips, phantom or not. Like as with anything, it's a balancing act between looking out for your kids well being and being suckered by them. No parent wants to be hood-winked or be insensitive to their child's morphing needs. There's also the balance between male and female parental energies to consider and work with. The child will test the synergy of your energies, male and female, and if there is a weak spot that is exactly what they will work in order to get what they want. It is an interesting thing to watch. Deal making is something that I sometimes utilize. I don't use it too much. On occasion I will employ it's (so far) 100% effectiveness. Tonight was one such example. After my daughter had gotten up for the fourth time within 45 minutes of putting her down for the night, upon checking up on her and tucking her in yet again she said, "Daddy, are we going to go to the pool tomorrow"? That light went off in my head, as it does on occasion and I said, "Well, that all depends on whether or not you go to sleep now. If you keep getting up for various and innumerable reasons, then I'll have to say no. However, IF you now go to sleep as your body wants and needs you to, then YES, by all means we'll go to the pool tomorrow. So, think about that. What do you really want to do? What you do now will affect whether or not we go to the pool." "Alright Daddy", she says in her slow, languidly relenting voice.
That was all she wrote. We didn't hear any more from her after that: another 3 1/2 year old girl down for the night.